Personal, rant

New Jersey!

This is an essay I wrote for a History Of New Jersey Class. It’s mine, if you find it online while grading my homework, it’s because I put it there. Please enjoy it either way.

“New Jersey has it all. If you want something, look for it in Jersey. The best parts of New York in actually in New Jersey, the Giants and Jets play here, the Statue of liberty is ours, the our food will actually pass a health inspection. We’re the dinner capital of the world, and if you’re looking for a quick bite of each anywhere south of I-195, every town has a Wawa, which are magically places filled with amazing food, inexpensive coffee, and subs the New Yorker’s would kill for.

We have the shore, or beach as you probably know it, and the mountains, and a large pine forest called the Pine Barrens, and a third of the state is state or county parks. You’re never more than 20 minutes from somewhere to fish or hike and places to kayak or hunt aren’t too much further out of the way. In a long day, you can go from hiking in the mountains, to swimming at the shore, and still have time to sit down and eat at a 24 hour diner for dinner and take a trip down the scary Shades of Death or Clinton Roads on the way back home. And I guarantee between the music on at the diner or the radio in the car, you won’t go a day without hearing from any of the musicians from New Jersey, Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, My Chemical Romance, Senses Fail, or even the Jonas Brothers.

The parkway and turnpike will not get you everywhere and most people couldn’t tell you “what exit” they live near. Largely the State Highways are the preferred routes. Some like 57 are mostly scenic while others like 38 are built up. The roads have names but no one ever uses them. And it is never socially acceptable to say “The 57”. It’s 57, 295, 38. We’re in too much of a hurry to add the extra “the” to the roads. No matter where in the state you are, you’re never far from 206, which will get you to and from the beach area easily.

We also drive better than anyone else. Yes we might drive a bit fast, but the Stateys generally leave us alone for reasonable speeds, and some of us do forget an occasional turn signal, but when it comes to using jug handles and we always know what exit gets you where you want to go, usually be name and by landmark of the closest fast food restaurant.

As for the “Real” housewives and the ‘shore, most of them are New York transplants. New Jersey has everything, hoodlums and fist pumping jackasses are included in that, but are by no means a majority. Guess they came here because we really do have everything. If it weren’t for all the tolls to leave jersey and their inability to get a real job, they’d have left the state already.”

I’m from New Jersey and proud of it. Don’t like it? Get out of the state. This guy has the right idea.


2 thoughts on “New Jersey!

  1. Pingback: New Jersey! « Official blog of | All Kayak Stuff

  2. Pingback: Off the turnpike: Hiking the Garden State « Official blog of

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